Why is pride still needed?

Saturday was a celebration for Doncaster Pride.

(Taken by Rick Birkin Photography) I kinda feel daft admitting it, but watching the parade from behind my sunglasses, there were a couple of moments where I had to force my eyes to suck the tears back in. Seeing my previous boss and fellow bar peers Kath, Ray & the Queen Crafthouse lot waving and blowing us kisses just completely got me. I was suddenly so overwhelmed by the amount of love these incredible people, alongside hundreds of other beautiful human beings, have for each other while simply living their lives. I hate thinking about how many of the people there have had to fight in some way to get to that point. How many have had to come out to family and friends, or have spent time questioning whether their attraction to the same sex, or have felt like that disconnect from their own body was normal? How many have had to deal with bullying, rejection, discrimination or worse just for being themselves? A few days before Pride I had the really lovely Laura from the Doncaster Free Press come to do a short interview about places that were supporting and celebrating Doncaster Pride. I was so unbelievably nervous. I'm genuinely not a "look at me look at me, be in front of the camera" type of person. She asked me something along the lines of, "Why is Pride important in a place like Doncaster?"

My brain completely shut off.

I wanted to say, "Because it is. Duh!"

Because... it just is.  It's never going to stop being important while hatred, discrimination and violence towards the LGBTQIA+ community still exist. I wish I'd had the brain power in that moment to articulate that.

Instead, my answer was that I want to make sure people are seen, heard, understood and supported.

When I saw the video posted afterwards I kept thinking how much I hated that it sounded like I was questioning what I was even saying. I wasn't! I just genuinely don't know how to articulate something so obviously important & that feels so normal to me. I feel it in my bones and my soul. I don't need a complicated explanation for why people should be allowed to live their lives as themselves without fear.

The fact that I was warned that hate would probably be posted in the comments was probably a good indication of exactly why it's important and why I was struggling to explain it.

Aaaand... Then came the comments.

There's the inevitable, "When's straight Pride?" When you experience discrimination, hatred or violence simply for being straight, we'll have that discussion. Until then, sit down and shut TF up & let people BE. The amount of places in the world where being gay or lesbian is still a crime is beyond ridiculous to me. I genuinely cannot get my head around the fact that, in 2026, there are still people whose relationships are criminalised simply because they are with someone of the same sex.

Some of the worst comments actually made me uncomfortably laugh because the ignorance was just baffling.

The nonsensical links to child grooming and the LGBTQIA+ community, despite there being no credible evidence that they are more likely to groom or sexually abuse children, just blew my mind.

The "groomer" rhetoric really gets to me, because this isn't actually a new idea.

We've seen versions of this fear used against gay people before being gay was more widely accepted and 'normalised'. Why the hell is it repeating?!

There is a long history of homosexuality itself being portrayed as something dangerous to children…something that could be promoted, encouraged or passed on to impressionable young people. In fact, that thinking was reflected in UK legislation under section 28 in 1988.

We are now seeing Trans people, being repeatedly portrayed as a danger to children simply for being visible, talking about their lives or existing in spaces where children might also be present.

That's what makes the current "groomer" rhetoric so disturbing to me. It takes something that everyone quite rightly finds horrifying (the sexual abuse of children) and uses it to paint an entire (and very small) minority of vulnerable people as inherently dangerous when all they're trying to do is be themselves. The 2021 Census estimated that around 0.54% of people aged 16 and over in England and Wales identified as trans.

Don't even get me started on the current nightmare around trans people and toilets.

"But a man in a dress can come in and attack women."

BULLSHIT, BRENDA! That is absolute nonsense.

If a man wants to attack a woman, he isn't going to put on a dress in order to go into the toilets of a bar to do it.

The idea that this is some kind of widespread tactic being used by predatory men is just another way of creating fear around a group of people who are already vulnerable.

And ... actually, the more I think about the current guidance, the more ridiculous this argument becomes to me.

The whole justification is supposedly about protecting women by separating people according to biological sex.

But what does that actually look like in practice?

A trans man with a beard, a deep voice, masculine clothes.. who is quite obviously perceived by everyone around him as a man - could potentially be expected to use the women's toilets under a biological-sex approach. 

So how exactly does this stop a man who genuinely intends to harm women from walking into a women's toilet?

In fact, if anything, it seems entirely possible that a predatory biological man could walk straight into a women's toilet without anyone questioning him, while a trans woman who just wants to go pee would get scrutinised - or worse if she uses the mens toilets!

Honestly, I can't get my head around it. ---

I met a really lovely woman on Monday who had travelled over from France to celebrate both Bristol and Doncaster Pride. She told me that she couldn't be herself in France. Her family don't accept her being a lesbian. But here, she could wear her flag with pride. She could celebrate without worrying about negative comments or hatred.

That made me so sad.

That is exactly why Pride is still needed.

Some people I know sadly felt unsafe celebrating. Others have experienced cruelty first-hand. Bullying. Physical harm. Being made to feel like there is something wrong with them.

I've heard countless stories over the past five years since opening Bone Idle. Stories from people who have been rejected by family, bullied at school, attacked in public, made to feel unsafe, or simply made to feel like they should be smaller, quieter or less visible.

I suppose this is where my love for Bone Idle being seen as a safe space comes into it too.

Over the years, I've had people come out to me as the first person they've ever told. I've watched people slowly become more comfortable being themselves in a space where they know they're accepted.

I've had a trans woman come to Bone Idle and be brave enough to wear a dress and present femininely in a way that she hadn't felt comfortable doing before & I was SO ridiculously excited to see her do it. - I even got her to twirl so her dress spun out and she looked absolutely fabulous.

Those moments genuinely mean so much to me.

There have been some incredibly proud, heartwarming moments of realness at Bone Idle. Little moments that probably seem insignificant to someone else, but that I know have taken an enormous amount of courage for the person experiencing them.

I feel incredibly grateful that people have trusted me enough to share those moments with me.

That's what I wanted Bone Idle to be. A place where you don't have to question whether you're going to be accepted. A place where you can turn up as yourself, whatever that looks like that day, and just... exist.

We see you. We accept you.

I've seen what happens when people feel safe enough to be themselves. Confidence blossoms.

I've seen people tell me things they've never told anyone before. I've seen people put on clothes they've been scared to wear in public. I've seen people slowly become more comfortable in their own skin.

And I've seen how fucking beautiful that can be.

Then to see hundreds of people standing together at Pride, waving flags, holding hands, dancing, laughing and just being themselves.

That's what reaaallly got me on Saturday... It wasn't the parade or pride itself.

The fact that, for a few hours, so many people could just exist purely & freely & surrounded by nothing but love.

Maybe that's why I couldn't answer Laura's question properly.

Because to me, it shouldn't need explaining.

People (any sex, gender, race, religion.. Whatever!) deserve to be:

Seen. Heard. Understood. Supported.

... To exist without having to justify it.

I genuinely cannot understand why people hate other people when the way they live their lives has absolutely no impact on theirs.

I REALLY can't get my head around it.

But I do know this. Until everyone can live openly, safely and comfortably as themselves, that is why Pride is still needed.